There are occasions when one may change the truth for certain situations including for the sake of peace, to avoid machlokess (fights, hostility, divisiveness), or to spare feelings from being hurt. Permission to change the truth applies

* when you have no alternative,
* when no other Torah principle is violated,
* when there will be a constructive Torah-sanctioned purpose achieved and
* when there are no negative "side effects."

How to craft any change from the "accurate truth" may require consideration or preparation. There may be rules as to what you can or cannot say. If you have any doubt, ask an orthodox rabbi. The guiding principle is: truth is defined by the achievement of G-d's will, not by the accuracy of your report of the "truth." G-d's "truth" generally causes no hurt, fighting, anger or malevolence. G-d's truth is generally consistent with love, respect, derech eretz (thoughtful and courteous behavior), pleasantness and peace.

The saintly Chafetz Chayim wrote an entire sefer (holy book) on the extensive laws of refraining from evil speech. In a letter, he wrote that, in his days, machlokess (fighting, quarreling) was growing at a rapid, frightening and painful rate [note: nowadays it's even worse! which is why I cite this here]. People, even if they hold themselves to be right, think nothing of saying that the argument is totally the fault of the other and the "truth" is totally with them. They get blindly preoccupied with winning and with validating themselves. More people take sides and the argument grows wider and dirtier. Principle goes by the wayside. The Torah's interpersonal laws and behavior standards are disregarded. The people in the fight succumb to serious sins of anger, disgracing, disrespecting, hurting feelings, divisiveness, stubbornness, verbal slurs, maligning and chillul Hashem (profanation of G-d, especially when people see violation of His Torah). This brings destructive punishments from G-d and prolonging of this hard and bitter exile. The Chafetz Chayim concluded the letter by writing that the Jew should better spend his time in Torah, good deeds and peace.

The Torah tells us that a metzora (leper) suffers a spiritual disease of which the physical disease is only an external symptom or manifestation. The cause is evil speech, spoken in a spirit of arrogance or self-aggrandizement. The metzora is put out of the camp. This teaches that the way he tried to ostracize the victim against whom he spoke, he is punished with ostracism. He has to humble himself and train himself to refrain from evil speech and from hurting people. When he is healed, he brings two birds as a sacrifice. Just as birds chirp, he chirped too much. One bird is killed, to show that his mouth could kill. The other bird is taken to be set free in the "sadeh (field)." Why does the Torah specify to a field? Rabbi Avraham Asher Zimmerman, one of today's great Torah authorities and one of my Torah teachers, explains why the Torah said that the second bird should be let free specifically in the field. A midbar (desert) has no life - nothing grows there. A field has cheeyuss (life) - trees, fruit, grass, vegetation. You may think that the sin of evil speech is so serious that I should never speak, to save myself from the chance of a sin. The Torah is saying essentially, "No, you must speak." But what must one speak? The Jew uses his power of speech for things of "life" - Torah, kindness and mitzvos.

In the Talmud (Chulin 89a), Rabbi Yitzchok asked, "What is meant by that which is written [Psalm 58:2], 'Indeed [UMNam] does the mute one speak righteousness, do you judge uprightly, sons of man?'" [Due to the grammatical relationship of the word root of alef, mem and nune, we learn] what the profession [UMNus] of a person must be in this world. He must make himself as one who is mute. This may seem like it means to even be silent and not speak words of Torah. Therefore, the verse continues, 'Speak righteousness.' This might bring one to arrogance. Therefore, the verse continues, 'Judge uprightly, sons of man.'"

The Chafetz Chayim, in Shmiras HaLoshon, discusses the above Talmudic teaching. The gemara referred to training oneself to be silent as a profession. If one who does not have training in a profession attempts to do the work of a profession, utilize the tools of a profession, build or repair what one in the profession builds or repairs, he will fail. One who has training in that profession knows the work and can succeed.

Similarly, if one tries to speak when he should and be silent when he should without training, he will fail. He will speak lashon hora (defamation, gossip), motzee shaim ra (slander), richiluss (talebearing), devarim bitailim (empty, wasted speech), divray chol bi'shabos (secular words on the holy sabbath), laitzonus (scoffing, mockery), nivul peh (vulgarity), machlokess (fighting, arguing), ono'as devarim (words that hurt people) and other forbidden kinds of speech. He will not know when to be quiet. He may not know how to keep quiet or have the strength to resist temptation to open his mouth. This requires training, the same way that learning a profession and acquiring expertise requires training. Only if one approaches developing the ability to remain silent when necessary as a profession can one come to be able to be able to speak and to be silent when each is proper. This can only come with ongoing learning and training. This is to be a person's profession in this life.