Interpersonal
Relating & Mitzvos
Introduction
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Love your fellow Jew as yourself - this is a most fundamental principle in the Torah [Yerushalmi Nedarim, chapter nine]. One may think himself holy if he goes into isolation and practices extreme stringencies and extra religious customs. This is false. For a person to be holy, he must be able to steadily act in a holy manner in all interactions with his fellow man [Chasam Sofer, Parshas Kedoshim]. One's behavior towards other people can have enormous good or bad impact on them, whether by active deed or by passive neglect. The closer a person is to you, the more powerful that the impact on that person tends to be. We are in a long and brutal exile because we had causeless and petty hate and strife between us in the time of the destruction of the second Holy Temple [Yoma 9a] and we only gave, in our conduct with each other, what the law required but not more than the law required [Bava Metzia 30b]. We are still paying the price and we are still guilty of the same. Every generation in which the Holy Temple is not built, it is as if it were destroyed in that generation [Yerushalmi Yoma 1a]. One's behavior towards other people is one of the biggest tests of who one is as a person. The Jew is responsible for being an instrument of good to others and is obligated to guard against doing bad to others. The Torah's standards, its extensive body of laws and morals, its severity of punishments and enormity of reward for interpersonal behavior, compels the thinking person to examine, correct and perfect his interpersonal conduct; to learn all he can about what the Torah requires and expects; and to keep one's standards on the highest possible level at all times. There are many interpersonal commandments which obligate us to never to do bad such as to guard against damaging; to not harm, pain, cheat, bear a grudge or neglect others; and to give of ourselves for the good of others. The Torah [Deuteronomy 13:5] says, "You shall go after the L-rd your G-d." the gemora [Sota 14a] says that it is impossible for a human being to literally go after G-d. The verse means that man must follow the traits of G-d, Who does kindness and charity, such as giving clothing to the impoverished, caring for the sick, comforting mourners and burying the dead. Rabbi Chayim Ozer Grodzinsky was the gadol hador [the Torah law leader of his generation] before World War Two. One of my rovs, Rabbi Avraham Asher Zimmerman, z'l, was with him for some time while learning in pre-war Europe. On one occasion, a mourner required a minyan in order to say "Kaddish." Rov Chayim Ozer said to Rov Zimmerman that one should not refrain from attending the minyan, trying to excuse himself by saying, "Davening [prayer] is only de'rabonon [from the sages]." This would be wrong. Helping to make a minyan, especially for a mourner, is a chesed [kindness] and doing chesed is de'Oraisa [from the Torah, heard personally from Rabbi Zimmerman's son, Rabbi Eliyahu Zimmerman]. We see from this that, in order to fulfill the Torah in general and interpersonal obligations in particular, one has to learn much Torah, have good guidance AND have his priorities straight; so that one can know the right things to do in practical life. It is easy to be selfish, lazy, mean, indifferent or to engage in religious activities directed towards G-d at the expense of other people. There are many of the Torah's 613 commandments and thousands of laws in the Shulchan Aruch [Code Of Law] and poskim [Torah law authorities] which show the regard, sensitivity, care, fineness, consideration, honesty and generosity constantly required of us by the Torah towards our fellow Jews. This includes refraining from doing bad to them as well as actively doing them good. The Torah's demands and standards in interpersonal areas are very high, holy and exacting. When confronted with conflicting mitzvos at one time, the Torah's laws include kedimos [orders of priority or precedence] that tell us what we must do, when, how, for whom, when to completely stop one thing to do another, when to briefly interrupt something for another but then go back to the first thing, when to do one thing and then a second thing also, and many other details. The reader should seek out a rov or rebbe for guidance in working on your interpersonal life, especially when there are issues with two sides to the story which require objectivity, experience, wisdom, Torah knowledge and practical competence. This "Interpersonal Relating & MItzvos" section is designed to furnish many practical and important subjects to help the Torah Jew to make significant strides towards improving interpersonal behavior and to maintain the Torah's high standards in order to truly: * "Turn from bad and do good, seek peace and pursue it [Psalm 34:15]," * accord with, "[The Torah's] ways are pleasant and all of its paths are peace [Proverbs 3:17] and * "Love your fellow Jew as yourself" [Leviticus 19:18]."
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