When a couple cannot alone overcome the difficulties in their relationship or behavior, professional help may be needed. For the Jew, this must mean seeking counseling from a Torah Jew who is humble and Yorai Shomayim [has fear of violating the will of G-d]. Matters that come up in relationship difficulties in general, and marriage in particular, are governed by halacha. There can be no doubt about the counselor's adherence and commitment to halacha. The counselor MUST know about what the Torah says on relevant topics and methods [e.g. anger, family purity, resolving quarrels, the value of peace, how to relate, personality, morality, fairness, good midos/character traits, understanding gender differences, spousal responsibilities, parental/chinuch responsibilities and correcting harmful faults]. The counselor must be in regular consultation with a rov to obtain da'as Torah on halachic shaalos, which invariably come up. He/she must clearly make Torah evident in his/her approach, character, worldview and conduct. You must communicate comfortably and have no doubt about the integrity, capability, skill and insight of your counselor. If there is no religious Jewish counselor in your city, it is YOUR responsibility to have a rov to bring shaalos to. You must make sure that the person will respect and abide by Torah teachings, values and rules. Secular social sciences, such as Psychology and Social Work have many unreligious principles and methods, many of which are questionable at best, and "traif" at worst. Even some religious Jewish practitioners separate their "professional self" from their "Jewish self." For example, one practitioner was supportive of homosexuality because Psychology "is non-judgmental" about one's lifestyle. Another said that lashon hora [prohibited harmful speech] is a matter of "many interpretations," essentially "permitting" disregard for the laws. Tosfos [Chulin 42b] says that we are not allowed to learn about humans by studying animals, which is something psychology does. Psychology and Torah differ significantly on handling quarrels and anger, which are grave sins, and on their understanding of the purpose of human life. The goal of counseling must be TORAH resolution of quarrels, personality shortcomings, behavior difficulties and all other issues.

I recommend that, to the extent possible, you choose a counselor who knows, or at least has some familiarity with, Choshen Mishpat; the portion of halacha that has to do with judges, testimony, proof, people's halachic rights and protections, how people craft speech to suit their self-interest and other matters of bais din. My reason is NOT because he will know about gitten [divorce, which is handled by a bais din]. A competent counselor works to keep couples from ever going to bais din! Rather, one who knows Choshen Mishpat knows how to handle the couple's claims against each other like an impartial and experienced dayan would. He is skilled at making each clarify and justify their claims, accusations or protests. He is more apt to overcome the spouses' subjectivity, emotions or ignorance. He is more likely to bring fair, lasting and Torah-based resolution.

If you can't find a counselor who knows Choshen Mishpat, at least use one who is enough of a Yoray Shomayim to steadily consult with, and bring shaalos to, a reputable rov who is an expert in halachos relevant to counseling and marriage.