The same way that you want these benefits for yourself, you are likewise obligated by the Torah to judge others favorably and with such consideration; to recognize the limitations and incompleteness of the facts and background in your impression of the situation or in the report to you against a person, to suspect the motives in yourself or a person reporting to you against a person, to obtain and verify all facts and background, hear both sides of the story and overcome bias in yourself and any person reporting to you against another Jew.

In a marriage scenario, benefit of doubt can be life itself to the relationship. This is not limited to occasions when you see something happen which tempts you to scream, accuse, condemn, criticize, feel betrayed or suspicious or otherwise react. Realize, in general, that your partner undergoes stress, hurt and disappointments in life. If your husband screams, was he abused that day by a boss or customer? Let a wife ask herself, "What has he gone through today, or this last month, that may pressure, frighten or pain him?" Maybe he feels terrible on his own that he screamed at you. When a husband comes home, let him stop himself each time at the door before he goes in and think about what may be on the other side of it. Will your wife one day be upset about something? Will children be getting her excited or drained? Will she be going topsy-turvy in 17 tension-drenched directions? Before going in the front door, or before phoning your spouse, be prepared for whatever may be going on. Whenever your partner does anything which is irritating or suspect, tell yourself, "I do not know all the background. I do not have all the facts. I must first find out what more there is to the whole story before I entitle myself to decide what my feelings, view or response ought to be."

Both of you: keep composure and be prepared to handle whatever comes at you; with patience, calm, gentleness, respect, wisdom, decency and love. Talk things out peacefully. BE A "DEFENSE LAWYER" for the OTHER PERSON AND HIS/HER SIDE OF THE STORY! Maybe, in context, your partner did something understandable or even commendable. Why did (s)he do it? What was the context? What was the ENTIRE situation? What facts might you not be aware of? What more was there to it? What other interpretations, besides mine, exist? LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND ASK WHY YOU MUST SUSPECT, JUDGE, PRESUME, CRITICIZE OR ANTAGONIZE? What might you or a "typical" person have done in the same set of circumstances? WHAT IS MISSING IN YOUR CAPACITY TO JUDGE OBJECTIVELY AND FAIRLY, with an adequately open and flexible mind? In what way might your perception be self-serving, including psychologically? Where, in your past, did you learn to perceive negatively? What do you emotionally disclose about yourself by your spontaneous untrusting, condescending or condemning response? What good qualities in your partner should you come to appreciate more? How can you learn to judge in a positive, favorable way (or, at least neutral)? Are you projecting something that you don't like or feel secure about within yourself? How can you increase your ability to see life in a more positive way - with more things that you view favorably in yourself and spouse? In what ways might your spouse deserve more trust or confidence? How could you help rather than attack your spouse?