A Jerusalem Rov, in a presentation on readiness for marriage, said (based on the Vilna Gaon) that the Talmudic concept, "Sof maaseh bimachshava techila (in the end is the deed and in the beginning is the intention)," applies to marriage. In the beginning, G-d wanted to create man and woman as two, created them as one, separated them and brought them together again to be one. We see from this that the intention is that although G-d made man and woman as two, that they should in the end be one.

The Arba Turim (fourteenth century) is the forerunner law code to the Shulchan Oruch (sixteenth century), the normative code of Jewish law. The Shulchan Oruch basically records bottom-line law alone, and has become the universal basic source for practical law. The Arba Turim included explanation, in addition to literal codification of law, and is a valuable study when one wants more background and meaning to go with law study. In his introduction to Evven Ha'Ezzer (section on marriage), the Arba Turim says that after G-d created Heaven and earth, G-d created man to rule over the earth. G-d created the animals as male and female. G-d created man alone, and took one of his ribs, built woman, and brought her to him for her to be to him a help and an asset.

The Talmud teaches that an unmarried person is without good, happiness, blessing, home, Torah, protection and peace. The Torah says, "A man will leave his father and his mother and he will cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh." Elaborating on this Talmudic statement and Torah verse, the Arba Turim says they will be exclusive to and committed to eachother. "Cleave" means marriage. Therefore, it is fitting for a man to love a wife as much as he loves himself, he is to honor and respect her MORE than he does himself, is to treat her with compassion and he is to protect and guard her as he does the rest of his limbs. He must provide her needs, support and satisfy her. She is obligated to serve him, to love him like herself, because she was taken from him. It must be good, pleasant and beneficial for both of them.

The Raavid says that G-d did this for man's good and benefit. It was a great favor. The Raavid beautifully explains the matching of man and woman, based on the Torah's story of Creation.

Animals were created male and female, and animal females don't accept males permanently. After the male has served his natural purpose, they throw eachother out and go their separate ways, without one being committed to or designated for the other. At the start, each one was made separate so it is natural for each animal to be apart from the other.

Not so with the human. G-d made man alone and took one of his ribs and built woman from it and brought her to him to help, support, fulfill and complete him, because she is considered like one of his very limbs. She is to yearn for him as one of his limbs wants his entire being to be well and whole and together. And he is to take care of her like one of his very limbs.

Man found no mate among the animals after checking and searching creation. G-d said, "It is not good for man to be alone." But man is not to be alone with the woman like the animals who are not singled out one for the other. For the human, there must be one male for a given female. So, G-d took the woman from him, and thus created "aizer kinnegdo [a help corresponding to him]:" aizer [help] - that she should be only for him, and kinnegdo [corresponding to him] - that she will remain with for all times. [end of the explanation by the Raavid.]

The Talmud compares finding one's soulmate with finding lost property. There is a sense of pressure and yearning to seek one's soulmate because finding one's mate is finding the other half of oneself. Finding a mate is not finding something "out there" in the world, which would be added to what the single is. Because a mate is half of what a complete human being is, the single needs to find, capture and obtain his or her total self, which is missing without one's soulmate.

The first section in the Code of Jewish Law section on marriage [Evven Ha'Ezzer] is on having children. The first goal of getting married is to have children.

G-d said to Avraham that he would be blessed by multiplying and becoming numerous. When Lavan sent Rivka to marry Yitzchok, the blessing that the Torah records him giving Rivka was that she should multiply and become numerous. G-d blessed Yakov that he will have descendants who will be numerous, widespread and a blessing. Getting married presumes having a family, and having a family presumes getting along, and getting along presumes finding a partner in the first place - who one can get along permanently with, and have the BLESSING of a family with.

Among the root issues in the singles and divorce epidemics are issues of midos, unselfishness, maturity, commitment to ongoing inner growth and self-completion, the ability to work with someone else to repair and complete eachother's shortcomings and to bring out eachother's potential. With this foundation, a couple can work as a unit to build a relationship together in a loving, supportive, cooperative and lifelong way.

Readiness for marriage entails going beyond oneself. To be continued.