A key necessity for an enduring marriage is truth. G-d's chasima (seal, signature) is "truth." It is a Torah mitzva to emulate His beneficent midos [Acharay Hashem Elokaichem taylaychu; Sota 14] and it is a Torah mitzva to emulate G-d's beneficent behaviors [vihalachta bidrachav, Rambam Hilchos Dayos, chapter one, halachos 5, 6 and 7]. Truth is consistent with long-run good as defined by Torah instruction [S'fas emmess tikone li'ad - lips of truth are substantiated forever, aizeh hu hachacham ha ro'eh es hanolad - who is wise? the one who sees the outcome of decisions/actions, habotayach bashem chesed yesovevenu - the one who trusts in G-d is surrounded by lovingkindness]. The signature of Hashem is: truth. The Hebrew word for truth is emess; spelled alef, mem, sov. Hebrew words have numerical values. Alef corresponds to number one. The Maharal writes that if you take "one little alef" off of emess (i.e. referring to taking "one little thing" off of the truth), that leaves you with the Hebrew word mess, which means: dead. The Maharal also writes that the essential thing for the surviival of a marriage is ongoing trust. He brilliantly defines that which can be trusted is that which does not change from that which is trusted or from what one is responsible for. Without trust - and the ability to be trusted - one can expect to be incapable of an enduring man-woman relationship.

Lies (or material omissions), by a matchmaker or single, is a presumption of license for which there is no Torah justification. Motivations are egocentric. Some unprincipled matchmakers will do anything for their fee. The single feels desperate to marry. The matchmaker is desperate to get onto the charts (who cares if a marriage gets "onto the charts" but lasts twelve hours?). I tell singles: Don't only judge a matchmaker by making marriages. How many inappropriate (unsuitable, destructive, etc.) relationships did he or she have the character strength and integrity to actively block or break up? What percent of his or her marriages ended up in divorce, misery or dysfunction? QUALITY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN QUANTITY!

In representing oneself (regarding age, background, personality, health, religious education, etc.) before you or any matchmaker can say one word of lie or "bending of truth," you must ask shailos (Torah law questions) to a known and expert orthodox rabbi who has experience and who will tell you authoritatively and individually, on a case by case basis, in detail, what to say and what not to say. No single nor any matchmaker may ever take any liberties at all to violate the prohibition of lying in the least. The Torah says to distance yourself from a false word. A Jew is obligated to be fully and scrupulously honest, to be holy, and to emulate G-d's beneficent midos and behaviors towards people.

If there is some sensitive material (e.g. about a health or psychological problem, being in therapy, or something about one's past or origins), there is a balance in determining WHEN to tell the person whom you are dating. You don't want to tell too soon. You don't need to tell everybody you date. You don't need to make yourself unnecessarily look bad nor to tell outside of a relationship context. On the other hand, it is brutally unfair to wait until someone is emotionally involved or has expectations. The time to tell is in-between i.e. after you're dating a person long enough to determine there is "something" there, but before the person would feel hurt or deceived upon finding out your secret. You want to wait until some rapport, relationship and trust is developing. You've screened the person to know it's more than just another date who you won't see ever again. But you can't wait too long. The person MUST be still able to objectively decide what the information means to him or her, and be able to decide whether it matters in making a decision about marrying you. The person has a right to true information and the right to make informed decisions. I know a man who found out a girl had had cancer. He cared for her and pursued her even with this knowledge. If a relationship is meant to be, it is going to be. G-d is a partner in every match. In Jewish law, when deception or misrepresentation are used to "hook" a marriage partner, the marriage can be called a "mekach taos" (erroneous acquisition) and this can be grounds for annulment. This is perpetration of evil against the partner and demonstrates a fundamental flaw in the foundation of such an ill-conceived "relationship." Take every issue as a shaalo to a rav.

Lies at the beginning of a relationship can accustom one to lying thereafter, can breed contempt for the "sucker" one married, can set up a deficient relationship foundation, can set up for annulment or divorce [mekach taos - an erroneous, deceptive, invalid acquisition], can breed resentment and mistrust in the victim, and can do irreparable damage to the relationship, even if it is not severed. You must ask a competent orthodox rabbi before you presume, never mind do, anything. Maybe a speck of dishonesty or misrepresentation would be the basis for a disaster with your basherte. You can't have peace without truth and the mutual capacity to trust. Until one is an instrument of peace, generosity, compatibility, respect, trustworthiness and responsibility, Heaven can withhold one's soulmate. A marriage to someone who is not one's zivug before one meets one's true zivug can be a set-up for catastrophe by which Heaven is giving a lesson and a repair of spiritual fault to a person unwilling to learn in a nicer way, in order to prepare one for the true soulmate (if the person gets the message).

It is also vital to state right at the very start that human beings, human relationships and "real life" are very complex. People, situations, moods, consequences, backgrounds, upbringing, timing, ramifications and atmosphere can vary. In all cases in which practical questions or issues arise, please consult your competent, G-d fearing and experienced Orthodox rabbi, each time, on a "case by case" basis, for individual instruction. The Torah instructs us to do what is "correct and good in the eyes of G-d." Why correct AND good? If I do what is correct in one situation, it may be wrong in another. If I do what is good at one time, it may be out of place or destructive at another. I may be acting subjectively, ignorantly or self-servingly. Do what is correct and good - in the eyes of Hashem - in every time and place.