Another manifestation can be attraction to the unattainable. This performs the psychological service of enabling the person to feel (s)he is going through "normal motions," or "is normal." The other person could not commit or be available to him/her, so it is always the other's fault that no relationship can work out. A person with a faulty, broken and/or dishonest personality or character seeks to place blame everywhere but on him/herself. The truth hurts.

In the case of poor self-esteem, the person will keep others away for fear of it being "discovered" that the person is "nobody," fault-ridden or "worthless." This is the "truth" that the person with poor self-image assumes about self. The person keeps distant, aloof, a facade or compulsively busy so as to never make meaningful relating possible. It is a frightening prospect for this "truth" to be "discovered" because this "certainly" will eventually result in pain of rejection, failure and verification of being "nothing." Intimacy and commitment force a person to reveal what (s)he perceives of self. Further, a person with a crippled self-image will often develop contempt for relating partners because 1. "there must be something wrong" with anyone who could be interested in such a deficient person as him/her self or 2. the person is conditioned to view it as normal that everybody is worthless and contemptible.

Some insecure people choose relationships not for what they ARE but rather for what they REPRESENT, e.g. someone good-looking, wealthy, professional, with status, etc., to make him/herself feel like a "somebody," like one who finally "made it." The relationship is for the impression or symbolism, so it is not a relationship for the person's true self, and therefore not truly a relationship. The person rejects valid candidates and healthy relationships. The person may have unrealistic or grandiose expectations. The person does NOT have real or sustainable relationships.

Another manifestation is to be fault-finding, picky, critical and perfectionistic. Allowing a relationship with someone imperfect means (in the individual's mind) that (s)he is bad or dirty, or that the person's numerous or intense needs will not be satisfied, or that something better may be precluded. The person may have compulsive habits and drives psychologically designed to 1. make the person feel clean, superior, desirable or above criticism; or 2. to keep the person too occupied to face faults, pain, fright or anger within.

Another manifestation is to be controlling, steamrolling, demanding and/or manipulative, to keep the relationship delivering what is needed. The person uses the other person and tends to be very rigid, abusive and one-sided; and the partner is reduced to essentially being an object. To "win" the partner, the person may start out as sweet, charming and personable. Upon becoming secure with the relationship, the individual becomes tyrannical.