In this installment we will move on to the step of evaluating indications in the actual relationship for whether a person might be "the right one."

When I do live singles presentations and workshops, these are questions of considerable concern to audience members. In addition, they often express frustration with many of the common hardships experienced, especially by older singles. So, let me also add here a few words of encouragement and comfort. For example, many complain that they find many people out there who are not as nice as they should be. To this I say that you should concentrate on being the best and most marriageable person you can be. Increase your merit in both practical and spiritual terms so that G-d, the ultimate Maker of all matches, should see you as a ready "kailee (utensil)" for your soul-mate. One more example is people feeling ready to "give up." No - do not give up. The Talmud only refers to giving up in one kind of case. If your wallet falls into the ocean (i.e. if you lose property in a way that, in nature, you can expect to never get it back), then we say it is normal to give up. Otherwise keep plugging and strong!

1. The person behaves with fine midos (character traits, particularly the ones upon which a lasting, successful relationship depend; e.g. respect for self and others, responsibility, trustworthiness, humility, peacefulness, kindness, compassion, softness and good heartedness) and behaves with derech eretz (decent, polite, thoughtful behavior).

2. You feel comfortable and secure with the other person. Neither of you needs to put on any phoney act, to lie about or hide your imperfections or feelings, to hesitate about expressing yourself nor to make unnatural effort to be impressive, acceptable or interesting.

3. The real (inner) you is able to relate to the real (inner) person in the other. The primary level of relating is heart-to-heart (not to wallet, talent, looks or other self-serving worldly benefits).

4. You enjoy the other's company, get along well and look forward to seeing each other when apart. Note: it is an unhealthy sign to miss the person when apart and to want to go apart when together!

5. You enjoy doing kind and thoughtful things for the other person, without asking for or expecting remuneration. You care for the other person as much as you do for yourself. You feel his/her pain or happiness and his/her feelings or will are as important as your own. Therefore, bending your will to please him/her, to save him/her from hurt, to give of yourself or to get along well is not a significant problem for you. You want the other to be happy and it makes you happy to make the other happy. If a thing is important to the other, that is enough to make it important to you. You are more interested in having a commitment relationship with this person than frightened or put-off by the demands or limitations imposed by commitment.

6. You communicate well, comfortably, effectively and honestly, without inhibition. You steadily achieve understanding which promotes the well-being and development of the relationship.

7. You have compatible religious ideals and life direction and goals.

8. You attribute importance and weight to the person. You respect the person very much - more than you love the person. You willingly and rapidly act to relate to and to respond to the will, feelings, needs and taste of the other person, without hesitation or feeling judgmental nor imposed upon - not only out of the emotion of love, but because you respect the person more than you respect yourself.

9. You care for and relate to the entire person. You accept or complete each other's (non-damaging) shortcomings. You voluntarily give from each other's strengths to make your partner and your "team" stronger, happier, better and more productive.