The two coming paragraphs are based on Chumash, Chazal (e.g. Gemora, Midrash, Tana Debay Eliyahu), Rishonim (e.g. Rashi, Rambam, Ramban, Tur, Chinuch), seforim and gedolim (e.g. Yerayim, Shlaw, Shaivet Mussar, R. Akiva Aiger, Chazon Ish) and Shulchan Oruch (Code Of Law).

A man may not diminish provision of food, clothes and affection (the Torah's words "may not diminish" requires him to fully provide all of her needs, in accordance with what is normal for a woman to need). He is to work and provide financial support. He should share the benefits of his life and not cause her pain. He must never be angry or frightening; he must promote her feeling joyous; and as his financial or social station rises, he must give her more money and status accordingly. He should love her as much as himself and honor her more than himself, and also give tangible expressions of honor such as jewels and ornaments. He should buy her pleasant clothes for Yom Tov. He must appreciate her and recognize her to be a gift from G-d. He must never be stern in his home. He must talk to her softly. Even a [mean or angry] face can cause pain in the heart. He should eat and drink less that he can afford, dress himself according to what he can afford, and honor his wife and children with more than he can afford. He lets her be in charge of household matters; he must be careful with her honor; and is to never cause her to cry, to be hurt nor to curse him. A husband must be careful never to hurt, anger, cheapen or offend her because it is the nature of a woman to be appeased much more slowly than a man, so she may keep on remembering and feeling the infraction. He must fully acknowledge and appreciate her for all which he accomplishes (as a consequence of her support, encouragement, assistance or sacrifice). He must praise and recognize all which she does for him, and constantly make her feel important and special. He must give his wife compassion and protection. He must take care of her needs before his own. He must nurture a relationship of love and closeness with his wife, every day, every year, in all circumstances and atmospheres. During the first year of marriage, he may not leave his wife overnight, so she may grow secure with his love for her. He must take time to speak with her, and he should obtain and respect her opinions.

The wife is obligated to serve him, revere him like a king and honor him exceedingly much, and tend to matters of the home, children and practical daily life. She is to obey him and do his will and, in doing so, is termed a "kosher wife." Where her honor and his are in conflict, she is to forego hers. If she approaches him as a maid approaches a king, she will be a queen in his eyes; but if she approaches him as a queen approaches a servant, she will be a maid in his eyes and he will make himself a master over her against her will. If she hits him or refuses to go to mikva, she can be subject to divorce without kesuba payment. When he is angry, she should calm him; when he is hurt, she should soothe him; when he has been done bad to, she should comfort him; when he is worried, she should restore him; when he is pressured, she should minimize requests; she should cancel her will for her husband. She should diminish his sadness, his worry or anything which is hard on his heart. She is obligated to take on his customs and religious ways so that there is unified practice in the home. She should raise her man up and she is responsible for her duties (such as cooking and sewing).

The concluding step of the wedding ceremony is called "nesuin" (marriage). This comes from the same root word as "naso" (to bear, carry). Marriage, we see, is synonymous with carrying responsibilities. Further, the Talmud (Taanis 4a) requires that every Jew work to be gentle. The wording of the Talmud acknowledges that it is work. The bottom line is that every Jew must be gentle and free from anger. This is key to "making it" as a Torah person. No one may ever so much as lift a hand in anger, even without hitting (Sanhedrin 58b). Men and women are different so that they can add their differences to be a greater whole as allies. Some may say, "Times have changed! Women work! Women must have college education! Equal rights!" Nothing has changed. If each does his or her part, it adds up to a total marriage relationship. Work can be delegated. Some chores may be exchanged. There can be individual exceptions, such as in kollel families or when a wife is talented. In all cases, however, the functions and responsibilities of the husband, the wife and the home must all be effectively fulfilled, and both spouses must be fully at peace with all arrangements - and eachother! The overall marriage team, relationship and responsibilities are unchanging. The more there are changes; the worse the troubles, tensions and divorce rate become. This all may be hard for some self-proclaimed "progressive moderns" to digest; but marriage is work, serious work; with clearly defined roles, assignments and obligations. Failure in them brings commensurate failure in marriage, because the couple abandons basics, human nature and the will of G-d. Those husbands and wives who consistently and thoroughly fulfill their obligations, do so with a good heart and attitude, are willing and mature, conduct themselves with good midos and psychological normality, and obey the Torah and its authorities, will also fulfill what Solomon wrote of the Torah "Its ways are sweet and all of its paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17).