Summary

The Torah relates how Joseph at the age of seventeen used to report to Yacov what he perceived as the wrongdoings of his older brothers. Joseph was not a simple gossip monger who enjoyed telling stories. Why was Joseph punished? Why was Miriam punished? Both Miriam and Joseph made two mistakes. One of the six events that people recite daily is to remember how G'd punished Miriam for slandering Moses. "Do not converse excessively with a woman. They said this even about one's own wife." How careful must we be not to fall into gossip about our spouses and children or other family members and friends. We must approach the person directly and tell them privately that they have upset us. G'd has zero tolerance for gossip and slander.

Joseph's reports to Yacov

In the beginning of this week's parasha, the Torah relates how Joseph at the age of seventeen used to report to Yacov what he perceived as the wrongdoings of his older brothers. Rashi quotes our sages (Jerusalem Talmud Peah 1:1) who point out that Joseph was punished for bringing these evil reports to his father. Rashi mentions further how Joseph's youthful eagerness to report everything to Yacov caused his brothers to hate him and eventually sell him as a slave. This was the first step in G'd's masterplan to bring Yacov and his family down to Egypt where they developed into a whole nation that later were enslaved by the Egyptians. Only after 210 years of exile did G'd send Moses and Aaron to take the Jewish people out of Egypt and lead them for forty years through the wilderness till the time had come to return to the land of Israel.

Joseph not a gossip monger

On the other hand, the commentaries (see Shelah on the parasha and Afikei Yam beginning of Part 2) explain that Joseph was not a simple gossip monger who enjoyed telling stories. Had this been the case, it would have been understandable why he was punished and how his evil reports had such dire consequences. For, as the Chofetz Chaim (Shmiras Haloshon 2:4) quotes from the Zohar (Parashas Pekudei), when people gossip and mention the wrongdoings of their fellow beings, it enables the Satan to report all the wrongdoings he has seen to the Heavenly Court and bring punishment upon everyone involved.

Why was Joseph punished?

But Joseph had no evil intent. He was a G'd fearing, inexperienced youth who felt obligated to inform Yacov of any wrongdoing he observed. As the Chofetz Chaim writes, there are circumstances, when one sees someone doing something wrong, that the correct thing is to notify the person's mentor or family member. The Afikei Yam says that the Torah specifically mentions that Joseph was young, for that was the reason why he did not rebuke his older brothers himself. Since he felt that he was not old enough to correct the wrongdoings of his brothers, therefore he chose to inform their father so that he could deal with them in an effective manner. But if that is the case why was he punished?

Why was Miriam punished?

A similar question arises at the end of Parashas Beha'aloscha (Bamidbar 12:1-16) where the Torah relates how Miriam went to speak to Aaron as she felt that Moses conducted himself inappropriately, and how she was punished. The Ramban (Devarim 24:9) makes it very clear that Miriam only had the best of intentions. She was convinced that Moses had made a mistake and she therefore spoke privately to Aaron to discuss how to inform Moses to correct his wrongdoing. So what did she do wrong to deserve a punishment?

Two mistakes of Joseph and Miriam

The Chofetz Chaim (Laws of Lashon Hora 3:8 footnote 11) explains that both Miriam and Joseph made two mistakes. First of all, they should have given the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming that it was wrong. In this way, they transgressed a Torah commandment that obligates us to give our fellow being the benefit of the doubt (see Vayikra 19:15 and Rambam Book of Mitzvot positive commandment #177). Further, even if they were convinced that they had observed an error, they should first try to administer the rebuke themselves before involving others. The Torah clearly instructs that every individual is obligated to rebuke his fellow being if he sees him doing something wrong (see Vayikra 19:17, Rambam positive commandment #205). By refraining from observing these two obligations, says the Chofetz Chaim, their talk, however well-intended, turned into slander, and that is why they were punished.

Constant reminder of Miriam

The Torah often instructs us to remember special events and keep them in mind. In many siddurim there is a list of six events that people recite daily as a constant reminder of what happened. One of these six events is to remember how G'd punished Miriam for slandering Moses. The Ramban (Devarim 24:9) writes that the Torah wants us to learn a lesson from this event. Miriam was punished, despite her great love for her brother Moses and her sensitivity not to embarrass him in public, but only to discuss privately with Aaron what she thought was his wrongdoing. All her great merits, continues the Ramban, did not help her, so how much more must we be careful not to gossip and slander our fellow beings.

Avoid spousal gossip

Often people do not realize how wrong they are. The Mishnah warns in Pirkei Avos (1:5): "Do not converse excessively with a woman. They said this even about one's own wife." The obvious question is, what is so wrong to have long conversations with one's wife? Rashi explains that one of the problems in such conversations is that it often leads to the husband telling his wife about his quarrels and arguments with coworkers or with other acquaintances. The good wife may easily get involved and add fuel to the feud when she next meets the other party's wife, and the whole episode will escalate to the embarrassment of everyone involved. It all started with the husband needing to let off steam and have a sympathetic listener. But unfortunately it does not end there.

Avoid friendly gossip

At other instances, friends meet in the synagogue on Shabbos and find an opportunity to catch up with each other's news. Or girlfriends get together over a cup of coffee or just chat on the telephone about their daily experiences. How careful must we be not to fall into gossip about our spouses and children or other family members and friends.

Direct rebuke

If we have a problem or are upset with someone, we must follow the Torah's instructions and give our fellow beings the benefit of the doubt. If this does not do the trick, we must approach the person directly and tell them privately that they have upset us with the way they spoke or acted. If the other person persists in their wrongdoing, even after we have approached them, then rules the Chofetz Chaim that it would be permissible to ask the person's mentor or family member to rebuke them.

Zero tolerance of G'd

As we mentioned above, one of the things that caused the Jewish people to suffer in Egypt was the quarrel between Joseph and his brothers that started with Joseph's evil reports to Yacov. On the other hand, the Midrash Rabbah (Vayikra 32:5) teaches that one of the merits that brought about the exodus from Egypt was that the Jewish people refrained from gossiping. We must internalize that G'd has zero tolerance for gossip and slander, and constantly make a serious effort to refrain from any prohibited talk. In this merit, may we together with all of the Jewish people soon return from our exile with the coming of Mashiach.

These words were based on a talk given by Rabbi Avraham Kahn, the Rosh Yeshiva and Founder of Yeshivas Keser Torah in Toronto.

These words were based on a talk given by Rabbi Avraham Kahn, the Rosh Yeshiva and Founder of Yeshivas Keser Torah in Toronto.

Shalom. Michael Deverett