Summary

Each of the brothers had free choice to act; however, the general sequence of events between Joseph and his brothers were guided from above. The fact that Joseph never explicitly forgave his brothers had dire consequences. We went into exile through sibling animosity and we went out through sibling harmony. Whenever we have studied something we must reflect upon it and see what we can learn from it, and how to apply it in our daily life. If we have harmed or insulted another person or in any other way done something wrong to our fellow being, we must apologize and make sure that the other person is ready to forgive us and say so explicitly. The Steipler Gaon asked the bar mitzvah boy for forgiveness. We all know that quarrel and animosity are bad, but when we internalize the story of Joseph and his brothers it teaches us how everyone involved lost for themselves and their families. "Where there is quarrel, there is no blessing."

Guided from above

In the last four parshios of the book of Bereishis, the Torah describes how the animosity between Joseph and his brothers set the scene for the Egyptian exile. For although the general sequence of events was guided from above to bring about what G'd had said to Abraham (Bereishis 15:13): "Know with certainty that your offspring will be exiled ...", nevertheless, each of the brothers had free choice to act as they saw fit.

Never forgiven

In last week's Torah Attitude we quoted from Rabbeinu Bechayei how the fact that Joseph never explicitly forgave his brothers had dire consequences later. This, says Rabbi Bechayei, brought about that the Ten Martyrs were brutally killed to atone for the wrongdoing of the ten brothers, when they sold Joseph. For although our great and holy ancestors acted in good faith, they made a terrible mistake that was never forgiven.

Sibling harmony

It is very interesting to note that in this week's parasha, the Torah relates how G'd chose two brothers who not only did not quarrel, but they lived in total harmony together. When G'd revealed Himself to Moses at the burning bush, Rashi (4:10) quotes from the Seder Olam Rabbah (5) that teaches that for a whole week Moses tried to avoid accepting the position to lead the Jewish people out of Egypt, in deference to his older brother Aaron who already was a prophet in Egypt. On the other hand, G'd told Moses (ibid 14): "Is not Aaron your brother ... I know ... he will come to meet you and he will see you and be happy in his heart." Moses' appointment as the leader did not lead to any animosity. On the contrary, Aaron was genuinely happy to see his younger brother as the leader and he was ready to assist Moses in any way needed. We went into exile through sibling animosity and we went out through sibling harmony.

Learn our lesson

Every event mentioned in the Torah has a lesson. The Ramban writes in his famous letter to his son that whenever we have studied something we must reflect upon it and see what we can learn from it, and how to apply it in our daily life.

Must apologize

There is one most obvious lesson that we learn from the insight of Rabbeinu Bechayei. If we have harmed or insulted another person or in any other way done something wrong to our fellow being, we must apologize and make sure that the other person is ready to forgive us and say so explicitly.

The Steipler and the bar mitzvah boy

A family in Bnei Brak was once celebrating the Bar Mitzvah of one of their sons in a small hall. They were in for a great surprise when the great sage, Rabbi Yaacov Yisrael Kanievsky, known as the Steipler Gaon, suddenly showed up at the dinner on the night of the Bar Mitzvah. The Steipler was advanced in age and had great difficulty walking. It was most unusual for him to come to such a celebration. However, he explained that he had come to ask the bar mitzvah boy for his forgiveness. A few years earlier, he had reprimanded the child, as he thought he was up to some mischief. Later, he realized that he was mistaken, and he felt that he needed to apologize. He explained that the forgiveness of a minor who is not yet bar mitzvah has no validity. He had therefore made a mental note that he would ask for the forgiveness when the boy turned bar mitzvah. The boy's forgiveness was so important to the great sage that the very evening he became of age the Steipler approached him to ask him for forgiveness. Obviously, the boy was more than ready to do so.

Animosity is bad

We all know that quarrel and animosity are bad, but when we internalize the story of Joseph and his brothers, it teaches us how everyone involved lost for themselves and their families. For although there was a Heavenly decree to go into exile, the level of affliction and distress was not decreed. Who knows what the children of Jacob and their families could have been spared if not for their rivalry and animosity?

Inspirational stories

Sometimes we hear of people who suffer one way or another, and we question why these good people should have it so difficult. My wife, who is an avid reader of inspirational stories, shared two stories with me recently that she had read in a book written by Rabbi Binyomin Pruzansky. The book is part of the Artscroll series, and its title is very fitting, "Stories That Awaken The Heart."

"Where there is quarrel, there is no blessing"

In one story, a young husband describes how he and his wife had been childless for quite a number of years, and the agony they went through. Eventually, his friend encouraged him to go to the Skulener Rebbe, Rabbi Yisrael Avraham Portugal, to receive the sage's blessing. He got very confused and somewhat disappointed when the Rebbe said to him, "Where there is quarrel, there is no blessing." He had no idea of what the Rebbe was referring to. He did some serious soul-searching until it struck him that the Rebbe may have meant the rivalry he and one of his classmates had fought out in high school for four years to be the most popular boy in the class. On the day of graduation, the other boy had said that he would never forgive him for making his high school years so miserable, to which he had replied that he returned the sentiment. He called the Rebbe to ask if this was what he was referring to. The Rebbe answered that he was not a prophet, but he repeated that where there was quarrel there was no room for blessing.

Childless marriage

The young man decided that he must find his old classmate and ask him for forgiveness. It was not an easy task to track him down, but finally he found out that he had moved to Los Angeles and obtained his address and telephone number. He realized that he could never take care of this unpleasant business over the phone and decided to travel to Los Angeles. He got to the house and when his old rival saw him he shouted at him and told him to get off his property, or he would call the police. He tried to explain that he had flown from New York just to speak to him and sank to the ground in bitter tears. This had an immediate effect and the former classmate begrudgingly asked him what it was all about. Sobbing, he described how he was already married for over ten years and had no children, and how the Skulener Rebbe had repeatedly told him that where there was quarrel there could be no blessing. He finally managed to say that he had come to ask for his forgiveness, and raised his head to see the impact of his words. How surprised was he when he saw his old classmate in tears himself. Now it was his turn to explain through his tears and sobs that he also had a childless marriage.

The two rivals obviously forgave each other and within a year both families celebrated the birth of baby boys.

To be continued, G'd willing, in next week's Torah Attitude.

These words were based on a talk given by Rabbi Avraham Kahn, the Rosh Yeshiva and Founder of Yeshivas Keser Torah in Toronto.

These words were based on a talk given by Rabbi Avraham Kahn, the Rosh Yeshiva and Founder of Yeshivas Keser Torah in Toronto.

Shalom. Michael Deverett