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6) HOW LONG A MAN MAY LEAVE HOME

(a) Answer: The Mishnah teaches, how long is proper.
(b) (Rav): He should learn for a month, and be home for a month - "The shifts come and go month by month ...
(c) (R. Yochanan): He should learn for a month, and be home for 2 months - "1 month in Lebanon, and 2 months in his house".

1. Rav did not learn as R. Yochanan - others can build the Beis ha'Mikdash.
2. R. Yochanan did not learn as Rav - there, the wife enjoys that her husband is earning money.

(d) (Rav): A sigh breaks half a person's body - "Sigh, amidst the breaking of the loins."
(e) (R. Yochanan): It breaks the entire body - "Every heart melts, all hands are soft, every spirit is weakened, all knees turn to water."

1. Question: How does R. Yochanan explain Rav's verse, which says the loins are broken?
2. Answer: It starts with the loins.
3. Question: How does Rav explain R. Yochanan's verse?
4. Answer: Hearing of the Churban is more severe.

(f) A Yisrael and Nachri were on the road together; the Nachri could not keep up with the Yisrael. The Nachri mentioned the Churban; the Yisrael sighed, but still the Nachri could not keep up with him.

1. Nachri: Don't you say that a sigh breaks half the body?
2. Yisrael: That only refers to a new sorrow - this is an old matter.

i. This is as people say, a woman that miscarries often is not befuddled on the loss of a child.

(a) (Mishnah): *Tayalim* have relations every day.
(b) Question: What are Tayalim?
(c) Answer #1 (Rava): Talmidim that learn in their city at sleep at home.
(d) Objection (Abaye): This cannot be! Of them, it says, "(Hashe-m will give) Lidido (to his dear one) Shena".

1. (R. Yitzchak): This refers to the wives of Talmidim, that deprive their eyes of sleep in this world (waiting for their husbands to return) and receive the world to come. (Such men cannot have time for relations every day!)

(e) Answer #2 (Abaye): Tayalim are men like Rav Shmuel Bar Shilas, who sits in the shade of his house, and is not conscripted for the king's work.
(f) Answer #3 (Ravin): Tayalim are the pampered ones of Eretz Yisrael.
(g) R. Avahu was in the bathhouse. 2 servants were supporting him. The floor caved in; he grabbed a pole with one hand, grabbed the servants with the other hand, and lifted them and himself to safety.
(h) R. Yochanan was ascending a ladder; Rav Ami and Rav Asi were supporting him. The rung broke; he lifted them and himself to safety.
(i) Rav Ami and Rav Asi: If you are so strong, why do you have us support you?
(j) R. Yochanan: If I will use my strength now, what will remain in my old age?
(k) (Mishnah): Workers have relations twice a week.
(l) Contradiction (Beraisa): Workers have relations once a week!
(m) Answer (R. Yosi Bar Chanina): The workers of the Mishnah work in their own city; in the Beraisa, the work in another city.
(n) A Beraisa supports this.

1. (Beraisa): Workers have relations twice weekly - when they work in their city. If they work in another city, the frequency is once a week.

(o) Question (Rabah Bar Rav Chanan): (A man vowed not to have relations - more than 1 week, Beis Hillel say he must divorce his wife). Did the Mishnah elaborate to teach this, which only applies to Tayalim and workers (all others do not have relations more often than this anyway)!
(p) Answer (Abaye): No - any man that vowed above 1 week must divorce his wife.

(q) Question (Rabah): But shipdrivers only have relations every 6 months!
(r) Answer (Abaye): Still, the vow removes her hope that her husband will return to her.

(a) Question (Rabah Bar Rav Chanan): May a donkey-driver become a camel-driver (without his wife's consent)?
(b) Answer (Abaye): No - a woman prefers meager food and frequency with her husband to more food and abstinence.
(c) (Rav Berona): The law is as R. Eliezer (Talmidim may leave for a month without permission).
(d) (Rav Ada Bar Ahavah): Chachamim argue, and permit them to go to learn for 2 or 3 years.
(e) (Rava): Many rely on Rav Ada Bar Ahavah's leniency, and are mortally punished for this!

1. Rav Rechumi often learned by Rava; he would return home every Erev Yom Kipur. Once, he was involved in his learning, and delayed. His wife was waiting for him, expecting him to come any moment. She was distressed; a tear came down. Rav Rechumi was sitting on the roof; the roof collapsed, and he died.

(f) Question: What is the frequency of relations of Chachamim?
(g) Answer (Rav Yehudah): Every Shabbos night.

1. (Rav Yehudah): "That he will give its fruit in the right time" - this is one who has relations on Shabbos night.

(h) Yehudah, R. Chiya's son, was R. Yanai's son-in-law. He learned by his Rebbi, and came home every Erev Shabbos; a pillar of fire could be seen in front of him. Once, he was involved in his learning and delayed.

1. R. Yanai did not see the fire. 'Turn over his bed - if he was alive, he would have come.'
2. He was not careful with his words, and they were fulfilled - Yehudah died.

(i) Rebbi engaged his son to a daughter of R. Chiya; when it was time to write the Kesuvah, she died.

1. Rebbi: Heaven forbid - perhaps one of them has improper lineage!
2. They checked the lineage. Rebbi descends from Shaftiyah, a son of David; R. Chiya, from Shimi, a brother of David.

(j) Rebbi married his son to a daughter of R. Yosi Bar Zimra. They agreed that the Chasan would learn from 12 years before the Nisu'in.

1. The Kalah passed in front of him. He decided to learn for only 6 years before the Nisu'in.
2. The Kalah again passed in front of him. He decided to have the Nisu'in before going to learn.
3. He felt embarrassed in front of his father-in-law. His father-in-law told him, you are like your Maker!

i. At the splitting of the sea, we prophesized that Hash-m will bring us to Eretz Yisrael, then we will build the Mishkan (so he will dwell among us, i.e. Nisu'in). Later, Hash-m commanded us to build the Mishkan while still in the wilderness.

4. He went and learned for 12 years. By the time he returned, his wife became sterile.
5. Rebbi: What should we do?

i. Suggestion #1: If he divorces her - people will say, this poor girl waited for him in vain!
ii. Suggestion #2: If he will marry a 2nd wife - people will say, he has a wife and a harlot!

6. Rebbi prayed, and Hash-m healed her.

(k) R. Chananyah Ben Chakinai went to learn for 12 years. When he returned, the streets of the city had changed, and he could not find his home. He heard a girl being called 'Bas Chakinai' - he knew, it must be his daughter; he followed her home.

1. His wife was sifting flour. When she saw him, she fainted and died. He beseeched - 'Hash-m, is this her reward?' She returned to life.

(l) R. Chama Bar Bisa went to learn for 12 years. Upon returning, he was careful not to do as R. Chakinai. He sat in the Beis Medrash and sent word to his home.

1. R. Oshiya, his son (whom he did not recognize), spoke with him in learning.
2. R. Chama: If only I had stayed home, I could have raised a son like this!
3. When he entered his house, his son also entered; R. Chama stood up for him.
4. R. Chama's wife: Does a father stand up for his son?!
5. Rami Bar Chama: "A 3-stranded rope does not quickly become undone - this is R. Oshiya, R. Chama and his father Bisa.

(m) R. Akiva was a shepherd for Ben Kalba Savua. Ben Kalba Savua's daughter saw that R. Akiva was modest and had attributes. She proposed - if I become engaged to you, will you go to learn? He agreed; they were quietly engaged, and he went to learn. Her father heard of the engagement, expelled her from his house, and vowed that she would not benefit from his property (R. Akiva was unlearned at the time).
(n) R. Akiva learned for 12 years; he returned with 12,000 Talmidim. He heard a man ask his wife, 'How long will you act as a widow (waiting for him)?