The "way of G-d" has passed the test of time, providing a value system and relating system which has been in consistent, successful use for 4,000 years. It can infuse life, fulfillment and harmony in a marriage whose members choose to diligently make the necessary efforts and to faithfully pass the necessary tests. A clear source for describing the difference between modern societal values and the Torah's is in that gem of a tractate, Pirkei Avos, chapter 5. "The one who says, 'What is mine is mine and what is yours is yours,' is mediocre; and some authorities say that this trait is the perversion of Sodom...The one who says, 'What is mine is yours and what is yours is yours,' is G-dly."

The trait of "what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours" breeds distance and separation between people. By establishing clear-cut boundaries as to where "mine" and "yours" are firmly divided, an "existential wall" goes up between people that is impenetrable. The mind focuses on self, on entitlement, and on separateness. In fact, a verse in Proverbs (18:1) tells us, "Self-centered-desire persues separateness." The uniting of hearts, by virtue of authentic human relationship, is effectively blocked.

Rabbi Shimshon Rafael Hirsch, in his commentary to Pirkei Avos, says that it would seem that a person keeping his property for himself and allowing no one else to derive benefit from it, is midway between good and evil.

This mishna in Pirkei Avos continues by telling us that some Talmudic sages teach that the city of Sodom carried this trait. The government of Sodom decreed torture and punitive amputation for anyone who was kind or hospitable, bringing this trait to its most perverse conclusions. We know from the Torah, in the first half of Genesis chapter 19, that G-d destroyed the entire city for its evil.

Continuing on about the trait of Sodom, Rabbi Hirsch writes words that have striking timeless relevance today. He explains that selfishness removes the central principle of lovingkindness from the human heart and mind. When self-centered, mankind loses its G-d given nobility, and human society loses the goal that G-d ordained for it as its destiny. I can practice kindness and mercy only if I come to own property and establish authority over it, and through my own free will and sense of duty, I give to another that which is my legal right to keep for myself and on which the recipient has no legal claim. When law would recognize my right to hold property and I freely give it, then there is room for lovingkindness and mercy and the advancement of the general welfare of our community. This is epitomized by the G-dly person who says, "I will give to others that which is mine and I will make no demands upon them in return." I don't say, "I have full rights to my property. I choose to withhold. Go away and don't bother me." Rather, the Torah attitude is: I have full authority and possession. I have to come to own it - not for the purpose of keeping it - but, so that there is meaning and accomplishment in my giving it away to you generously and willfully, and because giving promotes love.

Giving is not limited to only property. Giving includes time, energy, talent, concern, knowledge, encouragement, competent advice, listening, empathy - all resources which can cause benefit to others.

Especially to your spouse. [to be continued]